Oh so proud

I am proud of myself today because I actually came into my work gym and ran!

Yep, you read that right, I ran today!

So since the beginning of the year I can seriously count on 1 hand how many times I have worked out. I could give all sorts of excuses about being sick with brochitis, (which I am) or Jaylynn being up all night sometimes, but really what it all boils down to is me being lazy. So today as I was actually getting ready to lay back down in bed after John and Jaylynn had left, I thought to myself, "well I guess I could lay here for another 20-30 min, then get up and go to the gym." But then I had a reality check with myself. Who was I kidding? If I laid down I would be getting up 5 minutes before I had to be out the door. And then I would have no one to blame but myself. These are my goals to accomplish and only I can make myself do the things I need to in order to accomplish them.

So I got out of bed right then, got ready and headed out the door. When I got to work I went into the gym and there were 2 people there. 1 was actually finishing up when I got there, so as I started warming up on the treadmill I was down to 1 and half way through he left too. So I pretty much had the gym to myself and that make working out a lot nicer that I didn't have anyone staring at me.

So, with this work out I recently decided to look for an app that I could use to help me achieve a side goal. I don't think I'll ever race in one, but really I think it'd be nice to know that I trained and there is a possibility I could run one. Plus I know training for it will help me when we go hunting this fall (hopefully). Anyway I found an app that takes you from being a couch potato to being able to run a 5k! It's surprisingly easy. Well I should say the first day was.

It is a lot like run/walking I have talked about earlier. But this way, instead of having to remember how long, counting seconds or anything annoying like that. I tell it to start, turn on my itunes and away I go. It will pause my music to inform me to walk, or run or cool down. So this morning I warmed up for 5 min, then in 20 min intervals of walking for 1.5 minutes and running for a minute. Then finished off with a 5 minute cool down. I think the only thing I will do different tomorrow is make sure I stretch a WHOLE LOT more before I start. I didn't get a charlie horse, but my calve muscles definitely got tight quick while running.

So yes, I am proud of myself today for running. And I am also proud that I am down 5 lbs already! I guess the 1 thing I was REALLY ready and willing to do was portion control. I have definitely been watching what goes in my mouth, and how much. I also took friends and family advice and started an account with myfitnesspal.com. This way I am really able to tell how many calories I am consuming a day and what I need to cut back on. Sweets are still my down fall, but I have been good about how much I eat.

Anyway, I guess I'll try again tomorrow with coming into work. I do know right now I am really tired. But that probably also has to do with staying at my parent's late so John could finish wathing the 49er game. That was sad. But anyway tonight I'll try and get to bed earlier. Try and make it easier.

Not so much

Today I am feeling a little down on myself. For one, it is 6 days into the new year, and I have only worked out 3 times. And in those 3 times they were probably for only about 15-20 minutes each time. Ya see, I bought Zumba 2 for the wii because I miss dancing ballroom and I thought it would be something I would get into and be excited to work out to. I do, I really do. My issue is when....

Since John gets up earlier than I do, I get up with Jaylynn in the middle of the night. I don't mind, she usually just eats while she's sleeping and then I lay her back down when the bottle is gone. The issue is I can't sleep while she's eating, so it interrupts my sleeping and makes me exhausted when I have to wake up at 5-5:30am to get her in her car seat for John to take her to his Mom's. I should just stay awake and work out after he leaves, but I'm so tired I crawl back into bed until 6:30ish when it's time for me to get up to get ready for work.

Then when I get home I have to hurry and get dinner ready for John and I then take care of Jaylynn until she goes down for the night. Which, granted on a good day is about 8pm. But by then I'm tired myself and I don't feel like working out. A few days I did, and it made me too wired to go to bed. Plus, I heard you shouldn't work out at night before bed. I should look into why.

So my question is, when in the world do you work out? When is the best time when you have a family you care for and a full time job you have to be at? Huh?

My next issue has been snacking. At work, since it's still close to the holidays we have left over candy and it's SO hard to not steal a chocolate kiss as I'm walking by them. I even have a pile on my desk so that I have the good ones.

I NEED HELP!

I'm seriously wanting to cry! This extra weight I have packed on is making be depressed about myself. I don't feel sexy, I don't feel comfortable in anything I wear. I'm always in a jacket of some sorts because I feel it hides my love handles better. It's horrible.

Today while I was on pinterest I came across this blog http://www.runsforcookies.com/ HOLY COW! This woman went from 253 to 125 in 16 months! She was losing 10 lbs a month! I only want to lose 5, and it's seeming so difficult. SIZE, SIZE, SIZE! I need to some how get my portion sizes under control. Maybe a food log?

In talking on facebook about my weight loss journey one of John's cousins brought up a Body Bugg...I googled it...I WOULD LOVE IT! Granted it like $400, but right now it's on sale at Amazon for $205. That includes a 12 month subscription. If I had something that would log FOR me what I was eat, how much I was losing weight, all of that, maybe it would be easier to lose it? I'm not sure. But I'm losing confidence and determination to lose this weight, and fast.

IF ANYONE out there can PLEASE give me any type of help, I would GRATEFULLY appreciate it. I know I can be leaner. I know I can do this and lose weight and feel better about myself, but I also need help. John has been great about cutting back on what we eat and how much, but I need a work out buddy or something. Sometimes I wish I lived closer to certain friends and family that I KNOW would work out with me. But right now I can't move anywhere.

I need to find a solution and grasp onto some determination again before this goal goes out the window along with my health going down the tubes.

Beginning of a Journey

Today started what I hope to be a beneficial and rewarding journey. I spent the holidays thinking and planning what all I want to accomplish this year, and I am hoping that I won't fail myself. I have my loving husband cheering me on along with great family and friends.

For my birthday on Saturday I spent the last of my holiday vacation eating whatever I wanted. Sleeping, being lazy and taking care of my new baby girl. It was a great weekend. And well yesterday was still a holiday, so I started today. I was hoping to get a workout in, in the morning, but I'd slept in, then John left to go riding with his Dad. So I had to take care of baby girl while I got ready. She's been a little fussy, so luckily it was bottle time and she put herself to sleep. So I spent the day with my Mom. I really enjoyed that time.

Being with my Mom and baby girl just enjoying time together. It was a great day. So when I got home I promised myself I would do my zumba...and you know what I DID! Granted first I had to clean out around the living room so I could move freely, and then I had to get dinner in the oven, then I did my zumba workout while dinner cooked. I am starting out easy at first. I am doing medium intensity and short classes on the zumba wii game. I did do a high intensity and about killed myself on Christmas eve. So I'm doing it slow so 1-I don't hurt myself, and 2-I don't make it not enjoyable to do anymore. I'm pretty good at it though. It's nice that it is almost like latin ballroom dancing. Makes me realize how much I miss dancing.

So tomorrow morning after I send Jaylynn and John out the door I will stretch and do my Zumba work out. I figure if I do that in the morning and then maybe some weight training from P90X dvds I have at night I could slowly get myself into shape. I am hoping to lose at least 5 lbs a month. I want to keep it low and something reasonable that I think I can accomplish. I also want to make sure that I stick with this plan. I know that it is not just working out, which is a big thing for me to start doing, but it is also what I eat.

Now, I am NOT going to say that I am going on a diet. I won't do that. It's unreasonable for me to make John eat a diet when he doesn't want to. Now, John does want to lose weight too, so he's told me he will eat whatever I make, so instead of making what we eat a "diet", we have decided to watch what we eat, and how much of it. We are also going to try an in-cooperate more fruits and veggies into our meals. Granted I can't have a lot of greens (salads) because of the medication I am on, but I can eat things like green beans, peas, carrots.

While at my Mom's today she also gave me some good advice. Watch how much I eat, and also cut down on how much I put into my mouth as I chew. Now in cutting back how much I eat, I know that I will become hungrier more often. So that means more water. This has been non existence since I went back to work. So I will have to do better on getting my 8 glasses of water a day. There is just little things here and there that I know I can do and will do to help me reach my goal.

Now, it's not the number. Granted I would LOVE to step on a scale and see that beautiful number be what I have pictured in my head, but I want more to feel good about the way I look. I have pictures and pants to show me that I can be smaller. So in time I am hoping to be back down to that size no matter what the number on the scale is. I want to feel good about me, and feel like I can keep up with Jaylynn and other kids to come, when they're older and want to do more.

So here is to the beginning of the journey. I hope to be on top of writing an update once a day, but there might be times I can't find the time. So when I am able I will try. And like I have said before, if you have any exercises, recipes, comments to contribute that you think might help me I am MORE than happy to give them a go and tell you how they worked for me. I thank you for being interested in reading this. For taking time to listen to a woman who is unhappy with the way she looks and wants to do something about. I do this for myself, but knowing there is support and love out there cheering me on helps me to push on when I know at times it's going to be hard, or I'll be too tired. I will succeed!